toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
