Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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