so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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