i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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