so explain again why im purple
no
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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