I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
