I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
