When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
