had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
