You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
