I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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