she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
