So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
