Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
