Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
