Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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