we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
