I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
