When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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