Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
