I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
