Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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