Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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