Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
