I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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