while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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