her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
