I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
