so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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