Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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