idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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