fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
