but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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