neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
