So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
