I'm lost and stupid without you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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