So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
