matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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