I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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