All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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