This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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