I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
