You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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