The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
