thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
