I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
