She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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