hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
