he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
