I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
