what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
