She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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