i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
