Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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