I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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