I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
