you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
